Act IV
Higgin’s office at the University. Eliza is in the room. The clock on the mantelpiece strikes six.
ELIZA. [to the statue of Galatea] The ungrateful pig. Not a word! I may as well be as dumb as you Galatea for all the acknowledgment I get from him.
Higgins and Pickering are heard outside.
HIGGINS. [outside] I won’t be long, Pick. Mrs. Pearce has been re-arranging my statue cabinet and I want to see how she got on.
[Higgins comes in]
PICKERING. [outside] Well Henry, you've well and truly won your bet. Eliza did the trick, came through with flying colours, eh?
[Higgins shuffles statues]
HIGGINS. [to the cabinet] Yes, excellent, much better, yes, this over there, and …..what? [pause] Hmmmm.., where is Galatea? [to Pickering outside] Pick, can you ask Mrs. Pearce where my she put my Galatea?
[Pickering comes in]
PICKERING. Actually, it looks like she’s left for the day.
HIGGINS. Oh. OK. Can you see if she’s on Mrs. Pearce’s desk.
PICKERING. Certainly. And I’ll check to see if there’s been any mail for us too.
[Pickering goes out.]
[Eliza puts the Galatea statue on the desk before Higgins]
[Higgins yawns and begins half singing. Suddenly he stops]
[He lifts the statue off his desk].
HIGGINS. Oh! here you are. [to the statue] Is that where you were hiding?
[Pickering comes in.]
PICKERING. It wasn’t there, but there is a letter for you.
[Higgins opens letter]
HIGGINS. Wonderful. My bid at the auction was successful. It’s a good thing I’m making more room in my display cabinet. [yawning] My God, I’m exhausted! What a day! What an onerous afternoon that was!
PICKERING. Yes, it was eventful. The Melbourne Cup, the lunch, and then celebrations at the bar afterwards! I’m feeling pretty worn out too.
HIGGINS. [fervently] Well I’m just glad it's finally over!
ELIZA. [supressed] Hmmm!!
PICKERING. Henry, were you at all nervous this afternoon? I know I was. But I thought Eliza didn't seem the least bit anxious when she was talking to the Commodore.
HIGGINS. Well of course she wasn't. I’ve taught her well. Why wouldn’t she be fine. No, it's not that, it’s the strain of training her all these months that has got to me. I mean the whole experiment was interesting enough when we started, while we were at the phonetics stage. After that I got tired of it. If I hadn't forced myself to keep going, I’d have chucked the whole thing in months ago. It was a ridiculous idea really.
PICKERING. Oh come on Henry! You have to admit, Eliza’s performance was amazing. My heart was beating like anything.
HIGGINS. Yes, perhaps for the first few minutes. But when I saw I was going to win hands down, I felt like a bystander, hanging about doing nothing. And the lunch was awful. Sitting there for hours, with a load of well-heeled ladies-who-lunch yabbering on at me! I tell you, Pickering, I was bored out of my brain. I cannot stand those plastic society ladies. The whole afternoon was absolute hell.
PICKERING. Yes, I suspect you've never really been into the social scene. I rather enjoy dipping into it occasionally myself. It makes me feel young again. Anyhow, the whole thing was a great success, an outstanding success. I must admit I was excited to see Eliza doing it so well. You see, many society people can't actually do it at all. They're such fools that they think style comes by nature to people in their position, and so they never learn. There's something admirable about seeing someone who knows rules of the game and plays it superlatively well.
HIGGINS. Yes. That's what gets to me. All those entitled snobs who don't recognise their own ridiculous games. Thankfully it's all over. Finally I can go home tonight without dreading tomorrow.
ELIZA. [frustrated but subdued] Oooohhh!
PICKERING. Think I’ll be off too. Well, whatever you say Henry, I think it's been a great day, and an absolute triumph for you. Goodnight.
[Pickering goes out].
[Higgins yawns again and resumes his song and walks to the door]
HIGGINS. [casually] Will you put out the lights, Eliza. And can you tell Mrs. Pearce I’ll have coffee when I get in tomorrow, not tea.
[Higgins goes out].
[Eliza walks across to the hearth to switch off the lights. She sits down in Higgins's chair. Finally she gives way and flings herself furiously on the floor raging.]
ELIZA. AAAAHHH! AAAAHHH! AAAAHHH!
HIGGINS. [outside] Now, did I remember to put Galatea back in the cabinet?
[He appears at the door].
[Eliza snatches up the statue and hurls it at him with all her force]
ELIZA. Here’s your damn doll. I am glad you care for her at least!
HIGGINS. [astounded] What the ….! Eliza, what is up with you? What’s wrong?
ELIZA. [breathless] Nothing’s wrong‚ with you. I've won your bet for you, haven't I? That's enough for you. I don't matter do I.
HIGGINS. [offended] You won my bet! You! Presumptuous insect! I won it. So why did you throw Galatea at me?
ELIZA. [upset] Because I wanted to smash her. I wanted to hurt you, you selfish brute. [sobs] Oh, why didn't you leave me where you found me‚ in the gutter? You’re just glad it's over aren’t you? Now you can get rid of me!
[Eliza snaps her fingers, frantically].
HIGGINS. [calmly] Well. The creature is nervous, after all.
[Eliza gives a suffocated scream of fury and rushes at Higgins]
ELIZA. [furious] Eaough!!
[Higgins catches her wrists]
HIGGINS. Ah! Attack me would you? Claws in, you cat. How dare you be angry with me? Just sit down there and be quiet.
[Higgins pushes her into the visitor’s chair].
ELIZA. [weakly] What's to become of me now? [sobs] What's to become of me?
HIGGINS. How the hell should I know what's to become of you? What does it matter anyway?
ELIZA. You don't care. I know you don't care. You wouldn't care if I was dead. I'm nothing to you‚ less than them dumb statues.
HIGGINS. [thundering] Those dumb statues.
ELIZA. [with bitter submission] Those dumb statues. I didn't think it made any difference now anyway.
[pause]
HIGGINS. [in his loftiest manner] Why are you acting up like this? Has there ever been anything improper with your treatment here?
ELIZA. No.
HIGGINS. Has anybody in my department behaved badly to you? Doctor Pickering? Mrs. Pearce? Any of the staff?
ELIZA. No.
HIGGINS. I presume you don't think that I have treated you badly.
ELIZA. No.
HIGGINS. I am glad to hear it. [He moderates his tone]. Perhaps you're just tired after the stress of today. Here, have a mintie?
ELIZA. No. [pause] Thank you.
HIGGINS. [good-humoured again] I suspected this might have been coming for some time. I suppose it’s only natural for you to have been anxious about today. But it's all over now. There's nothing more for you to worry about.
ELIZA. No. You mean there’s nothing more for you to worry about. [desperately] I wish I was dead!
HIGGINS. [sincere surprise] Why? in God's name, why? [Reasoning] Listen to me, Eliza. You are overreacting.
ELIZA. Of course I am. It’s because I can't understand these things, can I? After all, I'm just a silly girl.
HIGGINS. I wouldn’t say that…[pause] I suspect it’s just your hormones. All that adrenalin from this afternoon’s performance is wearing off. Look at it like this. Nobody's going to hurt you and nothing is wrong. So, I suggest you go home and sleep it off. Have a hot shower, that should help you relax.
ELIZA. I heard you earlier... "I’m glad it's all over!"
HIGGINS. [impatiently] Well, aren’t you glad it's all over? Now you’re free to do whatever you like.
ELIZA. [in desperation] Whatever I like? What can I do? What have you made me into? What am I?
HIGGINS. [unimpressed] Oh, is that what's worrying you?
[Higgins thrusts his hands into his pockets, and walks about in his usual manner, rattling the contents of his pockets] [hums “I’ve grown accustomed to her face”]
HIGGINS. [condescendingly] Don’t worry your pretty little head about that. I imagine you won't have much difficulty finding something. Though I hadn't quite realized that you were leaving the University. In any case you could always get married.
[Higgins picks up a statue and admires it].
HIGGINS. You see, Eliza, most men are not confirmed old bachelors like me and Pickering. Most are the marrying type (pity them). And you're not too bad-looking. In fact it's quite pleasant to look at you sometimes. Not now, of course, because you've been crying and look a bit of a mess. But when you smarten up and behave yourself, you're what I would call attractive. That is, to those in the marrying way, you understand. Now, off you go and get a good night’s rest. When you look at yourself in the mirror tomorrow morning you feel alive again.
[Higgins puts down the statue]
HIGGINS. [condescendingly] Now I think of it, I suspect my mother would be able to find someone who you might be a suitable match for.
ELIZA. We were above that kind of thing in Balga.
HIGGINS. [curious] What do you mean?
ELIZA. In Balga I may have been stacking supermarket shelves but at least I never stooped to selling myself. Now you've made a lady of me it appears I'm not fit to do anything else. It would have been better if you'd left me where you found me.
HIGGINS. [angry] Damn it, Eliza! Don't you denigrate your future by dragging in all this bullshit about selling yourself. You needn't marry anyone if you don't want to.
ELIZA. But what else am I to do?
HIGGINS. Oh, many things. You once spoke about becoming a nail technician. Pickering could set you up with your own salon. He's loaded you know. [Chuckling] You do know that he paid for all the clothes you’ve been wearing today? All those, with the hire of the pearl necklace and earrings, would have made a big hole in a couple of grand. [firmly] Why be so glum, six months ago you would have been happy as Larry to have a salon of your own. [consolatory] Come on! you'll be all right. It will all turn out fine. Now, I really must go home, I'm exhausted. Oh, by the way, I came back in here to check something. What was it?
ELIZA. Your bloody statue.
HIGGINS. Oh yes, of course. You threw it at me.
[Higgins picks up the statue].
ELIZA. Before you go Professor Higgins?
[Higgins puts down the statue]
HIGGINS. [surprised] Eh, what is it now?
ELIZA. Do my clothes belong to me or to Doctor Pickering?
[Higgins comes back into the room]
HIGGINS. [confused] What in earth would Pickering do with them?
ELIZA. He might want them for the next girl you experiment on.
HIGGINS. [shocked and hurt] Is that the way you feel about us?
ELIZA. I don't want to discuss personal feelings anymore. All I want to know is whether anything belongs to me. As you may recall, my own clothes were burnt.
HIGGINS. Who cares who they belong to? Why does that matter?
ELIZA. I want to know what I can take with me when I go. I wouldn't want to be accused of stealing.
HIGGINS. [deeply wounded] Stealing! You shouldn't say things like that, Eliza. That implies a lack of trust.
ELIZA. I'm sorry, but I'm only a common bogan and you’re a University lecturer. In my position I have to be careful. There can't be any trust between the likes of you and the likes of me. So just tell me what belongs to me and what doesn't?
HIGGINS. [very sulky] You can take the whole bloody lot if you like. [pause] Except the jewels. They're hired. Does that satisfy you?
ELIZA. Wait…
[Eliza takes off her jewels].
ELIZA. Please take this necklace and the earrings with you, and keep them safe? I don't want to run the risk of them going missing.
HIGGINS. [furious] Hand them over then.
[Eliza puts them into Higgins’ hands].
HIGGINS. [angry] If these belonged to me instead of the jeweller, I'd stuff them down your ungrateful throat.
[Higgins thrusts them into his pockets].
ELIZA. [struggling to take a ring off] This ring isn't the jeweller's. It's the one you bought for me that day in town. I don't want it now. Here take it!
[Higgins dashes the ring violently into the bin]
HIGGINS. [so threateningly that Eliza crouches with her hands over her face] Why you spiteful little bitch!
[Higgins lunges at her]
ELIZA. [exclaims in fear] Don't hit me!
HIGGINS. [hurt] Hit you? How dare you accuse me of such a thing? It is you who have struck me. You have wounded me to the core.
ELIZA. [thrilling with hidden joy] Then I am glad I did it. It means I've got a little of my own back.
HIGGINS. [embarrassed with dignity] Ahemm! I’m sorry about that outburst. You caused me to lose my temper, a thing that hardly ever happens. [pause] I think we should say nothing more this evening. I am going home.
ELIZA. [pertly] Then I suggest you write a note for Mrs. Pearce about the coffee because I won’t be here to tell her.
HIGGINS. [annoyed] Bugger Mrs. Pearce. And bugger the coffee. And bugger you Eliza Doolittle. And bugger my own pig headedness for stuffing about, wasting my hard-earned skills and knowledge on a heartless no-hoper like you!
[He goes out slamming the door savagely].